We’re the poster family for blended families. Some organizations and groups attempt to collect data, but their methods are often limited. While these statistics provide some insight into the intricate nature of blended families, they may not accurately describe all stepfamilies. You’ll fail at showing compassion and grace. Theyâre going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were, but in a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts. Movies and books and magazines overwhelmingly tell first-family stories and give first-family advice. Why Second Marriages Are More Likely To Fail: The Challenges Of Blending Families. At least for the first few years, the biological parent ⦠In most cases, people in a blended family have experienced divorce. Below are more Doâs and Donâts that many families had to learn the hard way: Do NOT try to force new step-family members to spend time together to learn to just âget alongâ. Ever. Itâs a lot of work and communication, and sometimes you may need extra support from friends, a community, or a therapist. According to Goodtherapy.org, studies show that 66% of second marriages involving kids from previous marriages fail. However, there is a pattern of success that has helped thousands of couples. 2. And while the blended family seeks harmony, they often donât know how to get there. When parents are happier more consistently, then so are their children. They’re going to fail over and over, but they’re also going to prove that love and grace can outshine any darkness. At least for the first few years, the biological parent ⦠Why do blended families fail? Spouses in blended families, and sometimes children, ⦠You will love his children. Bringing up ones own children is extremely hard work. Finding balance in family life and doing your best to get it right is rough and takes mountains of patience. Studies continually show that stepfamilies who begin their life together with a romantic, first-family approach fail. Most people imagine a second, or third, marriage will have highs and lows, but no one is fully prepared for the reality. Considering all that, a far better way to start 2018 is with this reminder to blended clans or, more accurately, to forever blending clans: A new year is a new opportunity to ask for help. I’d like to say grace is always given when we tread on bumpy terrain, but I’d be lying. That means your children have already witnessed a failed marriage. Blended families can lead to higher levels of happiness. This post originally appeared at Women With Worth. Your family will fail at not being territorial inside your own home. Visit our Privacy Policy for more info. I think a lot of issues come when someone is still hanging on to a thread of âwe could possibly workâ ⦠Second marriages fail 67% of the time according to recent statistical data. In what Iâve seen, blended families don't generally work unless one of the parents is a deadbeat or you have two mature individuals who have COMPLETELY moved on. Theyâre going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were, but in a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts. The trouble is, adults in blended families typically have only first-family experience. You’ll fail at never having feelings of resentment. Sometimes a divorce is the best option because of abuse, neglect, or other family issues that canât be resolved. Some people feel threatened by their partnerâs contact with their ex. There will be a time when your spouse’s child kisses you and tells you they love you, and you’ll wonder how you ever lived your life without them. The trouble is, adults in blended families typically have only first-family experience. Your family will fail at wanting to make it work. Your family will fail at pretending it’s easy. Why do blended families fail? smoothing out the bumps and forced pieces as you go. First-family examples surround us, but first-family strategies donât work in blended families. Their friends and extended family have first-family expectations. Twelve Reasons Why Blended Families Fail. Dear Parents: This Is What Your ‘Gifted’ Child Needs You to Know, I’m Trading “I’m Sorry About the Mess” for “I’m So Glad You’re Here”, Teachers Keep Showing up, Even When It’s Hard, Dads Watching Their Own Kids is Not Babysitting. The divorce rate is almost twice as likely for blended families. Theyâre going to fail over and over, but theyâre also going to prove that love and grace can outshine any darkness. Blending families takes more than most of us are equipped with, and because of that, the failure rate is through the roof. Families can may attend most sessions as a group. You may not have the same emotional attachment and you may have unrealistic expectations of that child. When compared to biological families, blended families are thought to cost companies $10 billion in lost time and added expenses per year. ⦠Bringing up a step child is often doubly difficult. A âblended familyâ is rarely, if ever, an attractive alternative for a child of divorce. Thatâs why blended families always offer a chance to create successful outcomes. Your blended family is going to fail. There will be the moments when the broken pieces will come together to make a stained glass window that others will look through and see nothing but beauty. We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. ⦠Itâs ok to feel, just donât let feelings dictate your decisions and hinder your growth. Thatâs why so many blended families ultimately fail. stepfamilies who begin their life together with a romantic, first-family approach fail. Even though we don’t use the terms “step” or “half,” the reality is that we have stepparents, stepkids, step-siblings, half-siblings, and we even have my sister who we’re raising as our daughter. Children want to share their âtruthâ about blended families. This can be difficult, especially if you donât receive respect in return. Blended families often fail for many of the same reasons as non blended families. After a divorce, the property and all the belongings of the ⦠Theyâre going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were, but in a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts. Follow Candice at Women With Worth on Facebook. Being a parent can be hard. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. No one ever tells you how difficult blending children and families can be, or the amount of stress you will feel or the discord it can cause in a marriage. Stepfamily life is complex and all families are unique; adapt the information to your own situation. Think of it this way: raising kids is a ⦠Acknowledge and move past negative feelings â donât avoid or push them down. The difficult terrain of step-families contributes to this high failure rate. The U.S. government does not specifically collect data on stepfamilies. There will be times when your children walk hand in hand with your spouse’s children, and you’ll know that you are teaching them to love far beyond any boundaries. She writes about her loving God, forgiveness, suicide, and autism at her blog. Navigating co-parenting with another family is not for the faint of heart and is another post altogether. The therapist can also plan separate sessions with each child. Being a blended family isnât a pick-and-choose formula. My family is blended. Blending families usually leaves some in the family without a voice (most often itâs the children). Being a spouse can be difficult. Blending families is HARD! The trouble is, adults in blended families typically have only first-family experience. Successful blended families are difficult to achieve. What it boils down to is that about 50% of American families are blended, meaning the adults in the family have children from previous relationships. Another one of blended familiesâ problem is having to ⦠But through all the rough spots, you’ll find immense beauty. However, there isnât a single reason why blended families fail. CTRL + SPACE for auto-complete. There are eight common things that contribute to failing blended families. We want the first-family fairytale. You may have to face legal disputes. You will even love them well. There will be the moments when the light shines through the cracks. Their friends and extended family have first-family expectations. Privacy Policy. Probably because the same issues that ended the first marriage were not resolved, and carried forward into subsequent marriages. With that said, I do feel thereâre several contributing factors to the high divorce rate. The parenting dynamic is radically different. Sibling Rivalry. Even trickier than all of that is trying to pull it off in a blended family. They’re going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were, but in a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts. When kids see their parents have less anxiety and stress, then it ⦠Maybe right away, maybe it will take years. Legal and financial difficulties also increase. Your family will fail at making love completely equal between all its members. This is due to parents feeling guilty about disrupting the lives of their children. By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. ... Children in blended families are often given a great deal of power by parents. Movies and books and magazines overwhelmingly tell first-family stories and give first-family ⦠I tried to look up statistics on blended families, and it became overwhelming. They’ll see all the different colors, shapes, and sizes and stare in awe at how it all came together so perfectly. 07/05/2020 Leave a comment. But it ⦠On occasion, we also use cookies to collect information from our toddlers, but thatâs a totally different thing. Family therapy.This is an effective way for blended families to resolve issues. Candice Curry is a wife and mom of six precious children. Married couples parenting blended families are among a population of relationships at high risk for failure -- primarily due to issues pertaining to children, reports The Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., a New York non-profit. Theyâre going to fail over and over, but theyâre also going to prove that love and grace can outshine any darkness. There will be the times when you watch your spouse love and parent your child as their own, and it will bring up a love so deep you can’t even imagine how it contains itself inside your heart. In blended families, the ex may be called the non-residential parent. This, however, is just a fraction of the cost that single parent families place on the economy. The sad truth is that many blended families fail because blending families are challenging. Well, my family is chopped, minced, and then blended. I’d like to say that we never doubt the choices we’ve made, but sometimes none of our choices make any sense at all and I wonder how the heck we got here in the first place.